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“One Accent. One Passport. Zero Chill. A LOT of Coffee.”

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This is where I’m supposed to give you a polished backstory about who I am, what

I do, and how fabulous it all is.

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But let’s be real — you probably just want to know if this blog is worth your time.

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So, here’s the short version:

🇿🇦 I’m a South African expat figuring out Dutch life — one “what the actual bliksem”

moment at a time.


😅 I’m here for the awkward fails, weird wins, and crying in public (hello, Jumbo).


☕ I survive on rooibos, sarcasm, and Google Translate panic attacks.

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This isn’t a Pinterest-perfect memoir. It’s messy. It’s moeg. But it’s real.

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💻 What I’m Building

This space isn’t just a diary of expat mishaps (though yes, there are plenty of those).
It’s where I build something real:

  • Digital products and tools that actually help

  • Mental health support without fluff

  • Affiliate finds I actually use (no fake ads or random BS)

  • Content for expats who need real talk — not perfection

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Whether you’re a fellow expat, a creator starting from scratch, or just here for the lols,

you’re welcome here.

 

What You’ll Find Here:

✔️ Honest, unfiltered stories (because this isn’t a Wes Anderson film)
✔️ Real mental health tips for chaotic days
✔️ Journals + downloads that don’t talk down to you
✔️ Affiliate links that actually slap
✔️ And reminders that crying in public is part of the Dutch experience

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“In Case You Skimmed (I See You 👀)” Let me know and I’ll zhuzh it.

 

I’m not here to be your life coach — just your loud inner monologue with slightly better punctuation.

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If you’re winging expat life, dodging burnout, or trying to vibe in a place where people whisper “hoi” without moving their lips… you’re not alone, bru.

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Welcome to Coolest Xpat Vibes —


Where we cry in public, laugh in DMs, and build something real.


Pull in. Stay lekker. Let’s make chaos look cute.

My Story

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The Moment Everything Changed

It all started with a phone call... and ended with two suitcases, a goodbye to boerewors, and a one-way ticket to a life that didn’t come with instructions.

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I wasn’t some starry-eyed teen chasing windmills and romance — I was 57, tired of nonsense, and ready to make a real change. Crime. Load-shedding. Starting over didn’t just sound nice... it felt like survival.

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But here’s the twist: moving abroad didn’t solve everything. It shuffled everything.

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This section? It’s where you’ll find the raw truths and ridiculous moments that shaped this journey — the grief no one talks about, the culture shocks that made me laugh-snort in public, and the unexpected ways life stretches you when you say, “Screw it, let’s jump.”

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Expectations vs. Reality: The Brutal Truth

How It All Went from “Just Browsing” to “What the Actual Hell?”

 

How it went from “Just Browsing” to “What the Actual Hell?”

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One minute, I was selling cars in South Africa, dodging crime stats and traffic lights that never worked. The next, I was staring at a Dutch contract thinking, “Okay cool, new country, new me.”

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What could possibly go wrong?      Spoiler: EVERYTHING.​

Turns out, Google Translate lies. The Dutch language isn’t just “like Afrikaans with a throat infection” — it’s a full-blown test of patience and pride. Everyone said, “You’ll be fine, English is everywhere.” Lies. All of them.


The grocery stores? Tiny.
The job market? Brutal.
The culture shock? Real.

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I didn’t pack up and go for adventure. I left because surviving back home was draining the life out of me.


But I arrived here thinking I’d just slot in. Ja nee. It was less “fresh start” and more “emotional hostage with a bike.”

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But here’s the kicker — in between the meltdowns, the language fumbles, and the realisation that I’m now that person who doesn’t understand basic cheese labels… I found myself again.
Not all at once.
Bit by bit.
Through the chaos.
Through the grief.
Through letting go of who I was back there.

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The Packing Nightmare (Or, How to Lose Half a Life at an Airport)

Packing, Panicking & the Stuff No One Warns You About

You think you’re just moving countries.

 

Packing up your entire existence into a couple of bags sounds like a minimalist's dream—or a masochist's challenge. Spoiler: it's both.

The Plan:

  • Clothes: Pack for all seasons.​

  • Shoes: Just the essentials.​

  • Toiletries: Travel-sized to get started.​

  • Documents: All neatly organized,

  • Electronics: Chargers, adapters, the works.​ 

The Reality:

  • Clothes: Realizing you own 47 black shirts and can't part with any.​

  • Shoes: Debating if 5 pairs of boots are too many (they are).​

  • Toiletries: Discovering that your favorite products aren't available in the Netherlands.​

  • Documents: Misplacing the one paper you actually need.​

  • Electronics: Forgetting that the Netherlands uses different plugs.​

Lessons Learned:

  • Declutter Ruthlessly: If you haven't worn it in a year, donate it.​

  • Research Ahead: Know what you can and can't buy in your new country

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  • Organize Documents: Keep digital and physical copies.​

  • Prepare for the Unexpected: Things will go wrong; that's part of the adventure.

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The Truth No One Tells You About Moving Abroad

It’s not just about adjusting. It’s about grieving the old life while building a new one.

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From Excitement to "What Have I Done?"

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The initial thrill of moving abroad is undeniable. New places, new faces, and the promise of adventure. But soon after, reality sets in.

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The Highs:

  • Discovery: Exploring picturesque canals, tasting new foods, and immersing yourself in a different culture.​

  • Growth: Developing resilience and adaptability as you navigate unfamiliar situations.​

The Lows:

  • Homesickness: Missing family gatherings, familiar landscapes, and the comfort of your native language.​

  • Isolation: Struggling to build a new social circle and feeling like an outsider.​

  • Frustration: Dealing with bureaucratic hurdles and cultural misunderstandings.​

Coping Strategies:

  • Stay Connected: Regularly communicate with loved ones back home.

  • Seek Support: Join expat communities and local groups to find like-minded individuals.​ 

  • Embrace the Journey: Acknowledge that ups and downs are part of the experience. Celebrate small victories and learn from challenges.​

Would It Happen Again?

Absolutely. There’s only forward.​

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The Power of Uprooting at 57​

Too Old for This? Maybe. Would I Do It Again? Hell Yes.

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Reinvention isn’t a polished highlight reel.
It’s sticky-note chaos. Meltdown Mondays. Sobbing into your Notes app at 2 a.m. and muttering “Wat de fok?!” at another unread email.

But here’s the magic: that mess means you’re growing.

If this corner of the internet screams one truth, let it be:

✅ Perfect plans are overrated.
✅ You only need one stubborn reason to keep going.

Because magic doesn’t happen in the “someday” fantasies…
It happens when you ditch the bench
and play the game. 💥🌱

My
Story
(continued)

🧭 'n Boer Maak 'n Plan… and Sometimes a Whole New Life

If this wild expat journey had a motto, it’d be that one. Because honestly? Nothing has gone according to plan.

💻 Dutch bureaucracy? Makes you want to yeet your laptop and cry in a corner.
🧨 Job hunting? Humbling. Soul-snatching. Borderline disrespectful.
🛒 The grocery store? A full-blown cultural ambush. (No, I still don’t know where they hide the peanut butter.)

But like any decent South African raised on improvisation and Woolies specials — I adapted. I hustled. I pivoted.
And when things went sideways? I made another plan.

🧠 Lesson #1: Moving abroad isn’t just a location change — it’s an identity detour with no GPS.

  • Confidence? Doesn’t transfer.

  • Familiarity? Ghosted you.

  • One minute you’re an expert… the next, you’re scared of the bins.

  • Even the weather feels like a personal attack.

But here’s the part they don’t put on those cute travel blogs:
👉 Losing pieces of who you were makes space for someone stronger to arrive.

Not perfect. Not fluent in 3 weeks. Just real.
Trying. Failing. Swearing. Laughing. Growing.

And that, bru? That’s where the moerse magic lives.

💔 The Lesson That Hit the Hardest

Moving wasn’t just about starting over.
It was about losing parts of who you were first.

  • Confidence doesn’t transfer.

  • Suddenly, the expert becomes the beginner.

  • Identity unpacks itself slowly.

  • Feeling lost isn’t failure. It’s part of the process.

If someone had told me this before I got on that plane, the blindsiding might’ve hurt less.
But also? Losing yourself isn’t the end — it’s the start of becoming someone stronger.

☕ So, What Now?

After surviving the move, the culture shock, and a few “Did I just cry over cheese?” moments, it’s time to build something that actually fits.

✅ This blog – A space to share, overshare, laugh, and connect
✅ A business that feels like mine – Writing, digital products, messy growth
✅ Finding community – Even if it’s just 4 chaotic expats who also cried in Jumbo
✅ Living both – I’m proudly South African, but I’ve also learnt to ride a Dutch fiets in the rain with a poker face

🛠️ Settling In

From Tourist to Resident: Navigating the Essentials

Practical Steps:

  • 🏢 Register with the local gemeente (for your BSN)

  • 💊 Enroll in Dutch health insurance

  • 💳 Open a Dutch bank account

  • ⚡ Set up electricity, water, internet

Cultural Integration:

  • 🗣️ Learn basic Dutch — it helps, trust me

  • 🎉 Join local events, observe traditions (just try not to offend Sinterklaas)

  • 👥 Join a volunteer group or expat meetups

Build a Support Network:

  • 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Fellow expats are your survival squad

  • 🇳🇱 Local Dutchies? That’s next-level but worth it

✨ Reflections & Growth

“Dis net ‘n bietjie reën... hoe erg kan dit wees?”
Turns out it’s like building IKEA furniture blindfolded with instructions in Dutch and three screws missing.

🗣️ Language:

  • Thought: “Dutch is just English with a sore throat.”

  • Reality: Nearly summoned a demon saying “Scheveningen.”

🚲 Cycling Culture:

  • Expectation: Wind in my hair, like a movie.

  • Reality: Dutch toddlers flying past me while I clutch my handlebars like it’s a rodeo.

🌧️ Weather:

  • Expectation: Chic Euro rain.

  • Reality: Rain that slaps your soul. Four seasons in one trip to Jumbo.

But here's the thing: I’ve grown.

Not in a Pinterest-perfect way. In a real, sweaty, sometimes-swearing way:

  • Learned to laugh at myself

  • Celebrated tiny wins (like ordering coffee without asking for cheese)

  • Got braver. Slowly. Every weird moment helped.

Not fluent. Not perfect. But moerse proud.

🔮 Looking Ahead

Still winging it. Just with better wifi and stronger coffee.

I didn’t come here with a five-year plan. I came with:

  • A suitcase

  • A nervous laugh

  • A gut feeling that something had to change

Now that the dust’s kind of settled, the vision’s clear-ish:

🧠 Building meaningful content + digital products
🎙️ A podcast? Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on the rooibos
👕 Apparel that screams confused-expat-meets-subtle-style
📬 A real community — not just followers, but proper "Ag, me too!" humans

I’m not pretending to have it figured out.
But I’m here — figuring it out in real-time, one typo, one Tikkie, one lekker story at a time.

💌 Final Vibe Check

If you’ve ever cried in aisle 3 or smiled at a stranger and panicked when they replied in Dutch — welcome.
You're home.

Bottom line

Reinvention isn’t glamorous.It’s messy AF. Chaotic. But it’s also proof you’re not done yet.​If this site shows you anything, let it be this:✅ You don’t need a perfect plan.✅ You just need a reason not to quit.Because the best things happen when you stop waiting —and start building. 💛🛠️

🧑‍💻 Who’s Behind This Blog?

 

 

Hi, I’m Lycette — a proudly South African Scorpio with a knack for surviving identity crises, overthinking

life decisions, and turning chaos into digital products. ✨


I moved to the Netherlands at 57, thinking my Afrikaans would carry me. It didn’t.

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But it did give me enough stubbornness to keep going.

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I’m not here to give you Pinterest-perfect tips. I’m here to tell it like it is:
✔️ Moving abroad is weird.
✔️ Healing takes time.
✔️ Dutch people really do love a good Tikkie.
✔️ And sometimes, you just need someone else to say, “Ja, nee, dis moeilik, my bru.”

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This blog isn’t therapy — but it is where I process the madness. If it makes you laugh, feel seen, or at least feel a little less alone, then mission accomplished. 💛

Slide Into My Inbox Like a Stroopwafel on a Hot Day 🍯

Got a question, a collaboration idea, or just wanna chat about life in the Netherlands (or South Africa)?
Drop me a message, and I’ll get back to you faster than a Dutch cyclist dodging puddles. 💨

Whether it’s feedback, opportunities, or random thoughts — I’m here for it. Hit me up below and let’s connect!

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