“The Day I Realised I’m Officially Becoming Dutch”

ou know you’re becoming Dutch when you start arguing with yourself about whether cycling in the rain is actually that bad… or if you’re just being a dramatic South African with unresolved weather trauma.Spoiler: it’s both, and also, no one told your eyelashes they signed up for icicles.

I still remember my first winter here: sprinting to the bus stop with frozen eyebrows, clutching my scarf like a portable duvet, thinking, “Nee man, this is not weather, this is an extreme sport.”Now? I’m cruising through storm winds like a budget Viking with lip gloss, a cheap rain poncho, and the kind of emotional damage you only get from cycling into horizontal rain at 8:12 a.m. sharp.

Becoming Dutch doesn’t happen in one dramatic “ta-da” moment. It creep-crawls into your life like a debit order.First you roll your eyes at the rain, then you buy proper rain gear, and before you know it you’re telling people, “You’re not made of sugar, you won’t melt,” like you weren’t sobbing in August last year.

It starts small.The first Albert Heijn Bonuskaart you guard like a newborn, because suddenly full price feels like a personal attack.The first time you nearly clap someone with your reusable tas because they dared to forget theirs and pay 40 cents for plastic.

Then the language betrayal kicks in.One day you catch yourself saying “lekker” unironically — not just for food, but for everything: lekker weer, lekker weekend, lekker nap, lekker niks-doen.Your South African brain is screaming “this is how it starts,” but your Dutch mouth is out here saying, “Het gaat actually quite lekker, thanks.”

Meanwhile, the inner South African doesn’t switch off.You still lock your bike like it’s a German car in Johannesburg, even though everyone else left theirs open with a laptop and a small child in the basket.You still have a moerse long-distance relationship with the sun, sending it thoughts and prayers every time the forecast lies to you.

This is expat life.Soft chaos, small victories, and living permanently one bicycle crash away from your next character development arc.Half Dutch practicality, half South African “ag, we’ll make a plan,” and fully convinced that if you can survive this weather, jy kan enige iets survive.